Today we celebrate Saint Ignatius Loyola, a favorite saint of mine. Born in the late 1400s to a noble family in Spain, the first part of his life was about as far from sainthood as one could get. His passions were women and military battle. But a cannonball shot to the leg during battle and the ensuing period of recovery became fertile soil for the Gospel to take root in Ignatius’ heart. While he was recovering from his injury, Ignatius had only the Gospels and lives of the saints for reading material to entertain him. These texts prompted his dramatic conversion into the man we know today – founder of the Society of Jesus (the Jesuits), author of the Spiritual Exercises retreat, adept spiritual director, convert of great zeal. 

My training in spiritual direction focused on St. Ignatius’ spirituality and the Spiritual Exercises. Coincidentally, I began the training when I was pregnant with my first child and concluded it just after the birth of my second. You could say my parenting journey has been framed by St. Ignatius’ words and wisdom. Now a parent of three, I rely on key aspects of this spirituality nearly every day as I seek to be the best mother I can be: the First Principle and Foundation, the idea of “assuming the good,” and the Examen prayer. Despite not having children of his own, I find St. Ignatius Loyola to be a key saint I turn to time and again for inspiration in motherhood.

The First Principle and Foundation

Ignatius’ popular retreat, the Spiritual Exercises, begins with a beautiful reminder of God’s love and the purpose of life. Jesuit David Fleming, SJ’s version of the First Principle and Foundation states, “All the things in this world are gifts of God, presented to us so that we can know God more easily and make a return of love more readily.” God is our source and our goal, and everything in this life – especially our children! – are gifts from God. 

From this perspective, we see that our children belong, first of all, to God. They have been entrusted to us by Him that we might teach them their dignity as God’s beloved children and their purpose to love and serve God. They, in turn, teach us about God in their holy innocence, the purity and wholeheartedness of their love, and their freedom to be themselves. When we perceive our children as gifts, the relationship with them is transformed into one of mutual appreciation and joy. Any weariness that creeps into the parenting journey can be set aside by the awesomeness of this gift. 

“Finding God in all things” is another way to put St. Ignatius’ main spiritual point. How can you find God in your child today? Looking for glimpses of grace in your child is a wonderful way to stay positive as a parent.

Assuming the Good

The Spiritual Exercises are essentially a manual for spiritual directors who are accompanying a person along the retreat. One of the annotations at the end includes a challenging but fruitful directive: assume the best in your retreatant. If there is confusion about a statement, assume its best possible meaning. In other words, look for the goodness that might be there and try, by all means possible, to cast your retreatant in the best possible light, correcting only if you are sure that correction is necessary.

What wisdom for parents! Look for the good, assume the best, and correct only if necessary. You may have heard the parenting advice, “connection before correction.” I often remind myself of this when my children say or do something that feels disrespectful to me. Rather than jumping to anger, correction, or punishment, I pause and try to hear what may be behind their statement or action. What need has not been met? Are they simply trying to connect with me or gain my attention? When I look at them and assume the good, it is so much easier to connect with them – and then correct behavior if needed. 

Praying the Examen

Any parent can tell you that reflection is a daily necessity if we want to be the best parents possible. Looking back over the day and evaluating how we did as parents can sometimes lead to guilt or shame if we did not react how we wanted to throughout the day. No one is perfect. What if there was a way to invite God into that reflection and transform guilt and shame into hope for a new start tomorrow?

Look no further than St. Ignatius’ Daily Examen prayer. He considered this the most important prayer one could say and advised his fellow Jesuits to never skip the Examen. Even if they had time for nothing else in prayer that day, they should do this one prayer, he said.

The Examen is a five-step way of “examining” one’s day with God. First, make yourself aware of God’s presence with you. Then, look back on your day in gratitude – name those places where God’s presence was felt. Third, notice which emotions you held, positive and negative. Fourth, choose one aspect of your day – a moment, conversation, or emotion – and ask God to give you light and insight into it. Fifth, looking toward tomorrow, ask God for what you need to be the best parent you can be. A complete “Examen for Parents” can be found here: https://ignatiansolidarity.net/blog/2015/07/30/the-ignatian-examen-an-invitation-to-a-little-peace-along-the-parenting-journey/.

 I hope this brief insight into the spirituality of St. Ignatius Loyola will inspire all the parents out there looking for wisdom, hope, and God’s grace along the way. I can’t help but wonder whether Cora Evans, whose own spiritual director was a Jesuit, ever contemplated her motherhood through the lens of St. Ignatius. St Ignatius of Loyola, pray for us!