As St. Valentine’s Day quickly approaches, it is, sadly, not the reminder of a brave and worthy man as the Church had intended. Instead, it has become a holiday worthy of only Hallmark, with its abundance of chocolates, romance, and flowers. This societal obsession with soulmates serves only as a, at best, vague irritant for those women who are not yet married but wish to be. This year, let us use it instead as a reminder to grow in virtues, especially those that will serve well in future vocations of wives and mothers. Hopefully, this walk-through of a few canonized wives can be a helpful starting place for this! 

St. Monica

Most who are familiar with St. Monica’s name may be so due to her prominence as the mother of St. Augustine. The storied history of her marriage, however, begins before she had become anyone’s mother. At a young age, St. Monica’s parents chose her husband for her: a pagan man with a bad temper, a drinking problem, and a habit for infidelity. In the face of these deep heartbreaks, St. Monica remained faithful, patient, and prayerful. It is well-known the influence of her prayers in the conversion of her son, but her persistent and confident prayers were not limited to St. Augustine. Despite the poor treatment that she received from her husband (and his mother, with whom they lived, and whom continually ridiculed St. Monica), St. Monica did all she could to be a good wife to him and sought to keep the atmosphere of their home cheerful and kind. Because of her long persistence in prayer and kindness, her husband did convert to Catholicism shortly before he died. Perhaps more shockingly, so did her mother-in-law! 

Hopefully, dear reader, you will not marry a pagan with a mistress and a drinking problem; however, regardless of how well you chose your husband, you will come up against difficulties in marriage—times when you feel that your husband is intentionally hurting you or miscommunications that feel insurmountable. In these times, think of the example of St. Monica: all her kindness in the face of insults, fidelity in the face of deep betrayal, and cheerfulness in the face of mocking. For those hoping or preparing for marriage, practice these virtues now in your friendships and ask for St. Monica’s intercession in strengthening your virtuousness and discernment in choosing a husband.

St. Helena 

Though she is more well-known for her quest to find the True Cross, St. Helena also gives us an example of perseverance and faithfulness in marriage. After a few years of marriage, St. Helena’s husband, now the emperor of the Roman empire, left and divorced her in order to remarry another woman. Although he never returned to her, St. Helena remained faithful to her marriage vows, never remarrying and instead devoting herself to her newfound Faith and the raising of her child, Constantine. In her life of radical faithfulness, we see a lived example of the words of St. Paul: “To the married I give this command—not I but the Lord—that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does separate, let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband)” (1 Cor. 7:10-11).

We see in her life the quiet sacrifice and faithfulness that is required of all Christians, married or not, and we can (and should!) invoke her intercession to prepare us for the difficult times in our own marriages (present or future) or for the difficult marriages of those we love. 

St. Gianna Molla

Fun-loving, spunky, and a working mother, St. Gianna Molla’s countenance shines out from her portraits as a quintessential modern woman. Her story is oft-quoted, especially by those who fight to protect the right to life of the unborn, but the story of her marriage is less well-known. After meeting her future husband at daily Mass, Pietro and St. Gianna were married and began their life together, starting their family, working, praying, and enjoying familial felicity. 

As many know, St. Gianna lost her life due to complications following the birth of her last daughter. Before the birth, she famously told her husband that if the doctors must choose between her and her child, they must choose the life of her child. However, this willingness to make the ultimate sacrifice did not arise in her heart apropos of nothing. As a wife, St. Gianna practiced sacrifice in small things. We can see the evidence of this in her letters, such as these excerpts: 

“I love you so, so much Pietro, and you are always present to me, starting from the morning when during the Holy Mass, at the Offertory, I offer your work with mine, your joys, your sufferings, and then throughout the day until the evening.” 

“The heartburn [a pregnancy symptom] never leaves me, but at least I have some suffering to offer to the Lord for you, my treasure, that you may return soon and safe and sound.” 

Following St. Gianna’s example, those discerning marriage can begin offering sacrifices for their future husbands now (and, of course, this continues to be applicable within marriage!). Practicing mortifications now, offering them for your future husband, is a profound and fruitful way to pray for the man you will marry and strengthen yourself for the selflessness required in marriage (and in any vocation!). 

https://www.ncregister.com/features/married-to-a-saint-the-holy-marriage-of-st-gianna-and-her-husband-pietro

https://www.ncregister.com/blog/an-exemplary-couple-st-gianna-and-pietro-molla

St. Zelie

Finally, in perhaps the most obvious example of a saintly marriage: the couple that St. Therese of Lisieux described as “more suited for heaven than this earth.” The parents of the Little Flower, Sts. Zelie and Louis lived ordinary lives filled with extraordinary faith. They were parents, business owners, friends, and faithful followers of the Church. They endured immense suffering: losing four of their nine children, caring for ailing parents, living through St. Zelie’s final illness and subsequent early death, and finally, St. Louis’ battle with Alzheimer’s. Their five living children all became nuns, one is a canonized saint, and one is a Servant of God. Something must have gone very right in this ordinary family!

Although in many ways like every other family, they persistently and carefully placed Christ at the center of their family life. From this flowed everything else. Every evening, St. Louis read aloud from a popular devotional, which expounded on the daily Mass readings and prayers of the Divine Office. St. Zelie’s daily reliance on God comes through clearly in her letters: “"The good Lord does not do things by halves; He always gives what we need. Let us then carry on bravely…It is over the little things that I worry most. Whenever a real misfortune happens, I am quite resigned, and I await with confidence the help of God." This radical trust and confidence in the goodness of God, even in the midst of the great sufferings they faced together, formed St. Therese’s spirituality and can be seen in her own writings.  

Before marriage can be a fruitful time of setting and growing these habits of prayerfulness and reliance on God. Walking in the liminal times, particularly when marriage is desired but still remains in the hazy unknown of the future, is an excellent opportunity to practice giving our desires and struggles to the Lord and relying on His wisdom and foresight, not our own. Strengthen these ways now and they will serve you in good stead in your future marriage. 

Each of these saintly wives provides us with a picture of a virtuous wife: let us follow faithfully in their example as you await the fulfillment of your vocation!